prayer

i don't know what you want from me.. i don't know what the plan is.. i don't know what i'm supposed to learn from all this.. i thought that would be the last time.. and yet here i am torn between what i want to do and what i should do.. is there something i'm just not getting? is there something i'm supposed to be learning from this? from being constantly torn away from this sense of security i just barely seem to manage to build around myself with each time this has to happen? its getting harder and harder to believe that everything's gonna be ok... i'm tired.. its emotionally draining.. i know it's bad to ask why and yet, i want to.. my faith's not as strong as it was back then.. whatever happens.. please, give me faith.. i need it, to be able to go on cuz i feel it draining.. gradually.. it scares the hell out of me.. give me the strength and the belief that everything will turn out ok.. i know it will eventually, i just need the faith.. please help me..